Just Listen!

Have you ever noticed how quickly people move to give you advice? Or how easy it is for us to ask for advice? But how often do you actually ask someone to just listen to you? I mean truly listen, not just two friends sitting around sharing stories, but listen like a trained professional would. And why do we have to PAY people to listen? Seems crazy doesn't it?

But truth be known unless trained properly we aren't very good listeners. Test yourself...I bet the majority of the time you will find when your in a conversation your either thinking of how to add to the conversation or your thinking about what advice you will give.

On the flip side, try actually asking someone to just listen to you. If your anything like me it can feel a bit awkward at first and few people can actually do it, so it can be frustrating.

I am not going to go into all the ways to be a good listener, there is tons of writing on that. Personally, just as important, is being able to feel comfortable asking someone to just listen. Here are some tips...

• Set the boundaries, make sure the other person realizes that it is not that you're not interested in their opinion or experience, but just not now... now, you just want to be heard. 
• Ask them to try to be an active listener, meaning they are not just sitting back and checking out.
• It is OK for them to ask questions to clarify what you are saying, this shows they are listening.
• Set a time limit, no offense, but no one wants to sit for hours active listening...it is exhausting
• It is OK for you to ask for advice at the end of the time limit if you feel the need

I say try it sometime, it is amazing what someone can learn about you, what you can learn about them, and how good you feel afterwards, AND you will often walk away with a solution, no advice needed.

Take a chance...ask "Will you listen to me?"

PS: must give credit where credit is due, the idea of this blog came from my business partner Julie Mignone, thank you Julie!

I love the Toad the Wet Sprocket song, "I will not take these things for granted",  it speaks to me each time.

It reminds me to look around and appreciate all that I have. It is especially true today as I am unemployed. There are many journeys in life and what this journey is teaching me and, what Toad reminds me to do, is to not take my family, friends and acquaintances for granted. I have friends that are great at keeping in touch with EVERYONE and that amazes me. Because of this journey it is something I will strive to do. I want to do this because I am amazed at how wonderful everyone has been through all this. I have reached out to people that I thought for sure would be saying "yes I will help you" but not really mean it. Not that they are bad people, but it wasn't as if we were best friends either, so they really don't owe me anything. But they still put out their hands and have helped me through this. And then there are my friends, all I can say is wow....the support has been overwhelming. From making introductions for me to providing aversions when I needed them, to just believing in me. Finally but certainly not least important was my family, I have once again had to go to them with my hand out, and this time at no fault of my own, and they have graciously supported me (and yes I know I am lucky I have a family that can, believe me, I know).

So, I vow that in return I will not take these things for granted, I will work harder at keeping in touch with every person I touch and create some sort of relationship with. I will also do my best to pay it forward anytime I am given the opportunity.

Its a good reminder isn't it? Are you on a personal journey and what has it taught you to not take for granted?

Take the time to notice your accomplishments!

When I lived in Santa Barbara I used to pass by these cute little bungalows with crazy gardens and funny ornaments in the garden. I always wanted to live like that, there was such a sense of freedom combined with an obvious enjoyment of nature. Nothing was perfect but they were still beautiful.

I was randomly weeding my back patio area, which is really all of my backyard, when I suddenly released I had acquired just what I wanted. The house is not quit a bungalow, but I had the crazy garden along with the funny ornaments...I even had a pond!

Those fish may have cost  only .10 cents, but I loved watching the flash of orange in my pond. The table was perfect and very comfortable even without that coat of paint.



Instead of enjoying it I had been stressing over the details. So, the wrought iron table could use a coat of paint, or some of the ornaments are starting to show their age, and it needed some weeding. But who cares! It was not perfect, but it was still that wonderful combination of freedom because of its imperfections with an obvious enjoyment of nature.

I think we subconsciously strive for things we want and because it is subconscious, we sometime miss the fact that we might have it already!




Take the time today to notice those things you have striven for and accomplished. How they have manifested might surprise you....and I would love to hear what they are!

Finding a Trainer...my journey

About 5 or so years ago I learned I had high cholesterol, which prompted me to start to workout and for those who know me this was a big change. I was never a sporty type, and I hate to sweat. My experience has taught me a few things that I wanted to share, maybe your trip will be shorter because of it.

Throughout the first year I tried different things, the obligatory gym membership, at home videos and so on. I lost some weight, but knew I wasn't really pushing myself.
The second year brought many personal changes and I decided to get a bit more serious. I joined another gym and had one day with a trainer. For a few months I did what she had shown me to do, but I was still not very motivated.
I then joined a closer gym and hired one of their personal trainers, chosen for me based upon my interview, and signed up for once a week personal training. That trainer soon left and I ended up with Levi Lee, current owner of Fit Forward, and he was it . He was exactly what I needed.  If you live near Sugar Hill, GA you MUST check him out www.fitforward.com. Through Levi I meet Jake Williams, who is just as awesome and if you live near Suwanee, you MUST check him out www.stage3fitness.com.

That journey taught me first.... motivation is everything, and you need to find that motivation. I personally find it in a trainer and a friend. I have learned that I will never push myself as far as a trainer will, ever...I have tried and where training is concerned my brain gives up way too soon. In addition you must have the right form or you can seriously hurt yourself, and hard as they try, no video can ensure you are doing it right, IMHO.

Finally if you do want a trainer you need the right one, and here are my suggestions in finding one:

• Don't just let a trainer be assigned to you, interview them first to make sure they are the right personality for you, for me that means one with a softer touch. I am not in the army and don't want to be treated like I am. But that's just me, you may be different. Ask them some health questions and make sure their philosophy matches yours, but that it will also challenge you.
• Ask about their certification and education. There are many certifications and they are all different. I personally would research the certifications too to find out what they certify. Some are stricter than others.
• Take advantage of the free sessions, that way you can be assured their classes work for you. Also observe how they treat the other customer's, do they take time to answer questions, do they ensure proper form, are they interactive. Are they adjusting the workout for people with physical restrictions. Are they listening to customers if one is expressing concern or hurting.
• When you do choose your trainer, make an appointment to discuss YOUR goals. You may want to look like Madonna....I don't. They should work with you based upon what you want to achieve. This may change over time so be sure to keep the communication going.
• Don't sign a contract until you have done all the above and know you are completely comfortable with the trainer you choose.

Above all else the cliche of "listen to your body" is true, if something is really hurting stop and talk to your trainer or doctor to make sure it is nothing major. You may feel a bit like a complainer at first but over time you will learn what is "good hurt" and what is "bad hurt".

This is not meant to be the end all be all so, if you have a suggestion please do share!

A Great Cause, No Kid Hungry

My friend has a picture of Kenny Loggins wearing these shades. They promote a significant cause, ending childhood hunger in the United States. Share Our Strength No Kid Hungry raises money, holds various campaigns and partners with others that do just that, help end childhood hunger. Learn more at http://nokidhungry.org/about-us
This  month this cause does one of my favorite fund raisers, "Dine Out No Kid Hungry" http://join.strength.org/site/PageServer?pagename=GADO_homepage
All you need to do is dine out during the week of Sept 16-22 at participating restaurants and take advantage of whatever deal they have to offer. Or if your a restaurant you can participate; bring in customer's while helping a good cause. Details can be found at the above link.
What I love about this fund raiser is that I can do what I love to do, go out to eat with my friends, while doing something good for the children of this country. The statistics are staggering; 1 out of 5 child struggles with hunger. I have teacher friends that are full of stories about children coming to class having hardly eaten a meal all weekend.
So do something good for yourself and for our children, arrange a dine out with your friends at a participating restaurant and support No Kid Hungry!
PS: Arby's has already started, so if you falling off the no fast food wagon this coming month, eat at Arby's!

Who is 'Than...what I won't do in this blog...

I won't get political or religious on you (except today) on this blog as I have other avenues to express that side of me but I think it is only fair that you have an idea of who I am ....so I will share with you an important part of me, I am a Christian (I believe in God, Jesus and Jesus Christ), some may say a liberal one, so be it, and here are my basics:

• First and foremost I believe God Is Love, period, and I don't mean this as God gives Love, but that we ALL should strive to reflect his Love everyday, every moment.

• Next I believe judge ye not lest ye be judged. We are not judge and jury, only God is.
• I believe in the 10 commandments, and I don't believe they were written on a sliding scale, one is not worse (or better) than another.
• I believe we are all struggling with at least one of them, even our most revered Christian leaders, and if they are worth anything they would agree. I believe if you are not, you would no longer be here.
• I believe our struggles are between us and God, and are no one else's business. Only we will have to "face the music" if there is any to face....
• I believe we are here on a road to learn and grow and to be the best God Like human being we can possibly be and to help others if need be and if asked. And that help should come in a loving, sharing, giving and fair package, all four, not just one or two, but all four.

That's it. And I struggle with it everyday, which I believe is the purpose of this life. Whether you do or not, well that's fine....it's your life to live, so go live it :-)

Job hunting....inspiration

I am job hunting...we all know how fun that is; the highs of getting through the first pass, and the lows of either or applying and applying and applying...and then ultimately rejection. I hear men deal with rejection better than women, but perhaps that is a whole other blog.

Everyday I struggle with finding inspiration because "it just wasn't meant to be" is no longer working for me, when will it be "meant to be????"

Yesterday I thought to reach out to a site I have been following for a while which I find to be interesting, educational and well, right up my alley, Positive Psychology News. I found this article by Gail Schneider about grit and being mindful: http://positivepsychologynews.com/news/gail-schneider/200904231820  I believe I have grit, the determination to succeed at everything I put my mind to.  But I also realized at a time  like this I need to take a moment to be mindful.

It is just as critical to our success to let the work we have done actually have a chance to work, we need to step back and let things happen. During that time we can enjoy life in the moment rather than always thinking "what next".

The next time you feel like a salmon, swimming up stream, step back and be mindful. Life will be more enjoyable and we may be surprised on how things just happen without us stressing over them (at least I hope so, keep your fingers crossed for me!).

Anyone else hunting for work? How are you handling rejection?